Life to Life
by Care.Free.Lines
Summary: It's been 7 years since Edward left Bella in the forest though it still feels like yesterday, to her. Bella's life has taken a lot of bad turns since she left Forks shortly following the Cullen's abandonment. Still living with the effects of heart break and sourness, Bella returns to Forks to attend Charlie's wedding only to be reunited with her worst fears; Cullen's and questions.
1. Memories

**~{Life to Life}~**

**~{A Bellisle love story}~**

**~{Our soul mate is the one that brings life to life}~**

**Richard Bach**

**~{Chapter one}~ [Memories] **

_"You...don't...want me?"_

_"No." _

_"Well this changes things." _

_"Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." _

_"Don't. Don't do this." _

_"You're not good for me, Bella." _

_"If...that's what you want." _

No, I don't want to remember this. Anything but this. Anything but him.

_"I would like to ask one favour, if that's not too much." _

_"Anything." _

_"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him." _

_"I will." _

I won't! I won't do anything you want! I shouldn't bloody have to! Not after you left me like you did.

_"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." _

And then he had the nerve to fucking smile! Bastard.

_"Don't worry,"_ he says. _"You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_ The nerve! He doesn't know Jack shit about what I went through, what I'm still going through!

I screamed at him, shouted all the words I wanted to stay; that I still wanted to say. But the gentle smile stayed on his cruel lips, and then he was gone. He's always gone. I didn't need to see what happened next, I still felt like I was living it. Lying there on the forest floor, hugging my sides and sobbing my heart out into the dirt. Pathetic.

Clenching my eyes and flailing my limbs around hysterically, I felt myself come to with a sharp pulse in my hand. I must have hit it off of something; it wouldn't be the first time.

It's the 9th of May. The day I've been dreading for weeks now. The day I was going back to where it all ended. Forks.

I grunted irritably as I pulled myself up into a sitting position, squinting into the day lit room that had been my own for the past 5 months. The small box room was pretty basic, lime green and white walls with a oak desk, a set of draws and a bed. It wasn't great but I didn't mind, it's not like I would have much to fill the space with. Renee and Phil had offered to get a TV put up in here but I'd refused; explaining I didn't plan to stay much longer. Sometimes I felt like I was reminding myself more than them.

I could hear Phil already downstairs, whistling to himself as he prepared breakfast for the long day I was about to delve into. I felt sick with nerves and a big part of me wished I'd simply declined Charlie's wedding invitation; I'm sure he would have understood. It would have been cowardly though and Charlie may have understood but it didn't mean he would have to like it. I scratched my head and yawned, glancing at my alarm clock and sighing; I don't have to be up for another two bloody hours. I suppose it gives me time to work on what I'm going to say to Charlie once I get there. A simple 'how have you been' didn't sound very suffice worthy.

Climbing out of bed, I rubbed my hand where a bruise was sure to form and I turned the alarm off so it didn't blare later. Alarm clocks have come to irritate me beyond measure, the damn sound makes the muscles in my neck tense and I grit my teeth. I guess I should be glad through, without the alarm; I'm not sure I'd ever get out of bed. Back in San Francisco, I used to unplug the alarm the night before and simply smoke green all day when I eventually woke up around noon. Those were the days I missed. I can't do that here though, Renee freaks if she even so much as smells smoke on me which is silly considering we're all very aware of my new habit.

I made my way to the bathroom stiffly and sat down on the toilet, blinking at myself in the reflection of the side mirror. I looked different. Enough so for me to really notice it. In my dreams, I'm back there; 18 years old again with smooth skin and pale but healthy features. The baby fat that softened my features was long gone. Now my face looked rough, my skin pasty with blemishes. My hair untamed in a tangled mess; it rarely got a brush through it. Somehow my eyes sunk even more, bruises constantly underneath them. I try to draw attention away from it with eyeliner and heavy mascara when I can feel bothered but I never have the will to spend time taking it off. Like last night for instance. Now I looked very much like a sick homeless girl with panda eyes. Fucking brilliant.

I flushed the toilet and stood up; wincing at the ache in my lower back, this time watching my alien reflection in the mirror above the sink. I'm hideous. Actually hideous. I'm not even surprised he left, I can't imagine what he'd say if he saw me now. He'd be repulsed no doubt. I know I am.

I watched my hands as I washed them, not wanting to spend any more time looking at myself. I trudged back into my room. Two hours with my own thoughts for company. Hell.

I was glad that Phil had knocked on me earlier than planned, I had gotten myself into a panic when I wondered if the Cullen's ever returned to Forks. I had to remind myself over and over again that Charlie would have told me so and that they had no reason to return to Forks; not while they thought I was there.

Renee and Phil ate bagels for breakfast. I tore mine up into shreds and ducked out of the kitchen when they started kissing. Sick. I got dressed in my standard gear; ripped black skinnies with a plain t-shirt and my converses. Today I'd dressed for the occasion; all black. I didn't have anything else to busy myself with as my bags were already in the car, so I paced the back garden with a tab for as long as possible. I contemplated having two but Renee's disapproving stare burned in my back. It wasn't her fault she didn't understand. She could never understand the constant tension my body felt, the aches and the cramps.

We watched some reality TV show for an hour before we left. Renee kept asking me what I thought about the girl in the show, I knew what she was getting at. The depressed teenager that turned to drugs and prostitution after her father abandoned her. It wasn't hard to see the resemblance but I doubt it felt the same. She was abandoned and craved attention, craved contact and love. I don't want any of it. Ever again. It will always hurt, he'll always be there in the back of my head and I fear nobody will ever love me like he did; if he did at all.

"At least her dad comes back for her." I muttered in the silence after Renee turned the television off. She pressed her lips into a firm line and I could almost see the words forming behind her eyes. I guess that's what it must have been like for Edward when we were together. He must have thought I was a fool. I'm still a damn fool.

"Come on girls." Phil said cheerfully, carrying a plastic bag full of magazines out the front door. Renee sighed and put on a sick smile. It was frequently used in the place of pointless stern words; I hated it more than the lecture. It was the type of smile people wore when they were around strangers when they didn't want them to see the problems going on at home.

"You're got a plane to catch, baby. Come on."

The drive to the airport was painfully silent, the goodbyes were awkward and stiff as Renee and Phil hugged me with nothing in response. Their physical contact was more discomforting than ever. I waited for them to leave before lighting up again. As much as I liked Renee, I didn't want to endure a lecture before I got on a plane. I might do something reckless or stupid. God forbid that would happen.

It wasn't until I was midway through my flight that I remembered I didn't know what I was going to say to Charlie. Maybe he would do the speaking, yeah...when hell freezes over. I threw some ideas around, maybe a 'Hey dad, wow you look great.' Or a 'Long time no see' like old friends did in movies. Somehow I doubted Charlie would appreciate any of those. You would think after getting a degree in Literature, I'd be able to at least think of a good line to say but no matter how hard I thought, I couldn't remember any from my books.

Maybe I wouldn't have to say anything at all. Turning up after the way we parted should speak louder than words. I'm here, coming to Forks, aren't I? That's exactly where I am. Port Angeles.

As I made my way towards the gate with my weekend bag in my arms, I slowed so much I was almost standing still. Other people hurried past and when I thought the last one was gone, I leaned against the wall and took some deep breathes. I can't believe I came. I can't believe I'm just over an hour's drive from my own personal hell. Fuck.

I can remember it all too clearly. Sam Uley turned up some time in the night and carried me home. The quiet few days that followed with my dormant self staring out of my bedroom window; my night terrors scared Charlie half to death. Luckily Charlie agreed I shouldn't stay, despite how much I knew he wanted me to. I wish I could say that I was relieved to go back to Phoenix but the distance made it much more real and Renee just wasn't as understanding. Her pleas for me to move on and return to her 'old Bella' frustrated me more than anything else. My adoration for her lessened more and more that she said it and it wasn't long before I couldn't even stand to stay in the same house as her. It wasn't her fault though, I know that.

It's been 7 years though. I'm different, I'm sure Forks is different; I'm sure Charlie is different. I can do this. Nobody is expecting me to be great, Charlie least of all. He knows I've not been coping, I hear my mom on the phone to him once a month. We rarely spoke, it seemed pointless; small talk was inevitable and I never waited long enough for Charlie to awkwardly approach his uncomfortable topics.

All of this doesn't even matter. I can't go back now without seeing him first. I just need to get through this weekend. For Charlie.

I straightened up and took my last deep breath. I swallowed all of it down, putting my composure into place. Walk confidently like the whole world is watching, he'll never see. None of them will.

* * *

Hey Bellisle shippers! This is my first Bellisle story, I hope you like it so far. Don't worry, Bella and Carlisle will meet again very soon. Let me know what you think about this first chapter. I've never written in Bella's point of view before, sorry if it sucks!

~ Care Free Lines


	2. Charlie

**~{Chapter two}~ [Charlie] **

"Bella, look at you! You're all old." Jacob chuckled as I approached. Well this wasn't foreseen. I guess I should have known he wouldn't come alone like he usually does. This will make our reuniting smoother though I had no plans to keep up conversation once we were in the car, I suppose now it's a must.

"Hey, Jacob." I replied, forcing a smile. His bear arms came around me tightly and I pushed down the urge to shudder. He was boiling which felt abnormal on my constantly cold sweaty skin, perhaps he developed a thick skin with all this rain. He stepped back and I got to look at him properly. He was a lot taller than I remember, buffer too and his long hair was gone. His cute boy features were replaced with those of a man, it certainly makes it feel like I've been away a lot longer.

"You look tired, Bella. You should try sleeping." Jacob suggested playfully, I wanted to scowl and mutter something along the lines of 'you try sleeping with Edward bloody Cullen in your nightmares' but I did a Renee and simply smiled sweetly instead.

"I'll try that sometime."

It must have had the same effect on him as it does on me because he looked more worried and his smile gradually disappeared. I guess Charlie saw too as he made his way past Jacob and put an arm around me in an awkward but familiar Charlie way. He didn't look much different except now there were more laugh lines around his eyes and his moustache was gone. His hair was still as brown as even though I suspected there may have been some dye in the equation somewhere.

"You look wonderful, Bells. It's great to see you." Charlie murmured, avoiding my eye contact.

"You too." I responded quietly. We smiled half heartedly at each other and then walked with each other towards the entrance, Jacob on my heals all the way to the truck. I was surprised to see Charlie hadn't brought his cruiser but it was a good surprise. I had visions of it being like it was the first time round where everyone knew I was coming and everywhere I went they'd ask if I was Isabella Swan.

_"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen, I didn't have a chance to introduce myself to you last week. You must be Bella."_

No, I don't want to reminisce over conversations that happened a lifetime ago. It's pathetic. Still being this effected by Edward Cullen was pathetic. Yet here I am, sitting in a truck; wedged in between Charlie and Jacob Black; blinking back tears. The urge to cut was bad right now, my arms and thighs tingled in anticipation like my blood knew it was going to spill again.

"You alright there, Bella?" Jacob asked, glancing sideways at me as he continued driving. This got Charlie's attention too and it was extremely hard not to glare at Jacob for making my facade so difficult to keep up.

"Sure, just tired." I mumbled, closing my eyes and sitting stiffly. At least in the cruiser I would have space to breathe. Jacob didn't ask again or say much to me at all, he mentioned a few people like his dad in small talk but I didn't respond; leaving Charlie to awkwardly pick up bits of lose conversation.

Jacob was good for one thing though, he drove faster than Charlie and we got back to Charlie's in 52 minutes instead of 65. I put a lot of distance between myself and the others once we arrived, I needed time to get my bearings. I can't remember the last time I was that close to anyone let alone for that length of time. My body was cramping all over as well as sweating from where I'd been pressed up against Jacob; that guy is a bloody radiator.

Sue was waiting inside, no surprise. She and her two kids had moved in with him, Renee had told me, though they were staying somewhere else for the weekend while I was here. It was definitely fine by me, the less people around the better. Sue hugged me too. I was grateful to Charlie when he let me go up to my room and sort myself out. I used the bathroom and washed my face, trying not to think too much on Charlie's shaver that was in reach. I didn't have to, not here. If someone found out, if Charlie found out; there would be more questions, more accusations. They'd all know how I felt, they'd all see what I felt and I know they'd hate me for it. I'm a woman now, I can take care of myself; I don't need anybody else.

Jacob didn't stay long after I woke up from my not-so-long-nap that I lied to Charlie about. I couldn't stomach the idea of going down and sitting with them all as a family, Seth and Leah had arrived while I was 'sleeping'. Luckily, they didn't talk much and left around 11. Sue went to bed, apologizing like I was unhappy about such a thing. Charlie and I sat on the sofa next to each other, blissfully ignoring the other's presence. It wasn't until the television was turned off near midnight that I realised I should have ran off to bed when Sue did.

"Bells, I know...we don't talk much." Charlie started rather hastily like he wouldn't get it out at all if he didn't right here, right now. "But I want you to know that I do worry about you and I do care." He paused, watching me but not giving eye contact. "Alright." He muttered when I didn't respond. "Honestly, how are you? I don't want the 'I'm fine' or 'I'm tired'. I want it brutally honest."

How easy it would be to be brutally honest with Charlie. To tell him I'm haunted by a life I didn't get the chance to live, by the people that walked in and walked out again like I meant nothing; by Edward Cullen's break-up words. I couldn't though. I knew very well it wasn't normal to be this...obsessed. To still be this fixated with the Cullen's, to still be smitten with Edward even though he's long gone. He was still waiting for a brutally honest answer though and I had nothing.

"What can I say?" I asked, scoffing with fake amuse. "Things are shit. I'm 25, I live with my mom; I have no social life and I really don't see things getting any better any time soon." I smirked, shrugging. Charlie frowned his concerned father frown. "Look Char- Dad. It's okay. I'm okay, things will be okay. This is not the weekend to be trying to fix things, this is about you and Sue and dancing and cake and happiness." I continued, hoping he was buying all this shit so that I didn't have to hear him talk about me maybe seeing a councillor or perhaps going to a doctor for medication.

"Alright." He nodded. I'm taking that as a dismissal 'alright'. I stood and made a bee line for the stairs. "Bells." Charlie called. I stopped and turned to look at him, feeling anxious and irritated. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Charlie asked, narrowing his gaze on me as he waited for a response. Sure, like I could tell you about vampires and true-love-that-obviously-wasn't-that-true and razor blades. I doubt that.

"Of course, dad." I replied flawlessly. I should have become an actress. Charlie nodded and I turned, fleeing up to my bedroom and stripping once the door was shut. I climbed under the familiar purple covers and groaned into my pillow. I can't wait to get back to Phoenix. It's worse here than I thought it was going to be.

_"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live." _

Fuck off, Edward.

I dreamt of Edward again, of him leaving again. Of his words, again; around in my head like venom burning away in my brain. I watched as he smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. I screamed and I shouted and I lashed out into thin air. I followed after him and I searched and I called out his name. I tripped and stumbled and I fell. I sobbed and I sobbed and I sobbed.

* * *

Hey guys! Thanks to those of you that have followed and favourited so far! So happy to even see a review! Woo. Hope you like this chapter. Lemme know what you think!


	3. Dress shopping

**~{Chapter three}~ [Dress shopping] **

As you can imagine, sleeping didn't come easy. I woke up around 4 in the morning, Charlie's more-than-missed snores echoed down the hall and for a moment, I lost myself in a memory. What if it had all been a dream? What if he was still here with me? What if he still wanted me?

Then the rain started heavily, rain drops splashing onto me through the open window. I knew I had to get up and close it, my body bracing itself for the aches of moving but I didn't want to get up just yet. I wanted to live in the life limbo gave me for just a few more minutes.

_"Isabella. Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's torture to me. The thought of you, still, white, cold...never to see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretences...it would be unendurable."_

Living without you is unendurable but I doubt that ever crossed your mind you selfish prick.

I pulled myself up off the bed and reached over to close the window; basking in the freezing droplets that shot into my flesh. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. Ever regrets his decision. I guess I never really knew him well enough to know for sure. Maybe he's happy. Maybe he's replaced me. A new, better human who doesn't make so many damn mistakes. It wouldn't surprise me. I always knew I was replaceable.

She'd be gorgeous with big eyes and flawless skin. She'd have fashion sense and go shopping with Alice and Rose every weekend. She wouldn't push him to any decisions he didn't want to make. She'd be perfect and pretty and preppy and everything I'm not.

It'd serve me right though. I didn't deserve him. I never did. I didn't deserve any of them. Not their friendship or love or compassion. Their family could never be mine. I get it. They all share their pasts but they don't let it break them and look at me now, completely and utterly broken.

_"Time heals all wounds for your kind." _

Liar.

Lucky for me, Sue got up early; I don't know how much longer I could damn myself to my bedroom knowing how easy it would be to steal Charlie's razor and lie about seeing it. She was cheerful and already dressed, she told me about our plans for the day without stopping for air and even made a few jokes about Charlie that I found myself smiling at. I could see why my father liked her, very energetic...like Renee. I briefly wondered if she had the same sick smile. I bet we all do it although trying to imagine Charlie was quite amusing.

He joined us about an hour afterwards. I suffered through breakfast with them grinning at each other like love sick teenagers, Sue lectured him about eating healthily; he lectured me about eating in general. It wasn't particularly inspiring but I promised to finish my cereal.

It wasn't until I was sitting silently in the car with Sue that I wished I'd asked for more food and ate slower than I usually did. We were going to collect Leah from wherever she was staying and although Sue was chatty enough for the both of us this morning, it seemed she had nothing to say to me now and so we let the awkward silence build. It wasn't any better with Leah actually in the car. She huffed and muttered things under her breath all the way to Port Angeles. Something was clearly bothering her but I didn't care enough to ask. It's not like we'd ever get along.

Dress shopping was hell. At least when Alice was around, she'd do the actual shopping for me. Shopping with Sue was painful. She wanted to go into every shop, make us try everything on and then when we weren't fussed; we'd go somewhere else. We'd been in several dress stores now and I'd gotten to the point where I would have worn a yellow banana suit if it meant we could bloody leave.

Sue had gone to the cash point and disappeared somewhere, probably saw some more dresses, so Leah and I were standing alone near the car park. She didn't seem fazed when I started my first tab of the day, she simply smirked and started watching some old lady with her grandson walking past.

"Does Charlie know?" Leah eventually asked, now with nothing to look at. She didn't look at me though, maybe she's socially impaired like Charlie and me; how fitting.

"I'm sure Renee's mentioned it to him at some point." I shrugged. After all, my life seems to be their only source of topics.

"He hasn't mentioned it to my mom."

"Maybe he's ashamed of me." I suggested, Leah narrowed her eyes on me with a firm stare. It was very uncomfortable, it wasn't like a frustrated or worried stare like I usually got. This one was almost cold and angry.

"Charlie could never-"

"There you are girls. I've been looking all over for you." Sue shouted over, waving at us with a few bags in her hand. I turned away and rolled my eyes, it's not hard to see us considering everyone else is sane and is staying indoors when the weather is like this.

"Are we nearly done? I have plans." Leah told Sue, like saying 'no' wasn't an option.

"Nearly. We just need to pick out an evening dress for Bella and then pick up the bridesmaids dresses. I was wondering if you girls might like some lunch? We could stop off on the way back or grab something here?" Sue suggested, blatantly not looking at me. Maybe Charlie really doesn't know I smoke, I bet that will be a fun conversation to have.

"I can't. I have things to do. I'll get the bus back." Leah told Sue, they regarded each other tensely for a few seconds and then Leah turned and walked off towards the bus stops. I wish I could have gone too, I could have made up a 'thing to do'; I'm sure of it.

"Oh well. Come on, Bella." Sue smiled, I finished my tab and dropped it into the bin as I followed after her.

Luckily for me, Sue didn't have many more shops she wanted to look in. She collected the bridesmaid dresses as I tried on a few of her 'dress options'. It didn't take long to decide, I hurried them on and off; not wanting to look at my body's reflection in the mirror for very long. I always hated shopping for clothes, it lowered my self-esteem every time. The sickness you feel, wishing that you could be someone else with a nicer body, with nicer looks and nicer hair. Wishing you were taller and thinner and tanned.

"Bella, honey. Are you nearly done?" Sue asked from outside the changing cubical. I was ready to curl up in a foetal position and cry if that's what she meant. I changed back into my own clothes and sceptically looked over the dresses, glaring at the short pink one in the middle that I didn't even bother trying on. I have to admit, the black one was nice. Sue had better taste than Renee, that's for sure.

"Yeah. Just choosing. Won't be a sec." I called to her, hearing her impatient foot tapping. Okay, so the pink one is out. No question there. The three left were okay, the black was definitely the nicest but I'm not positive I could really pull it off. I'd definitely wear a jacket with it, a cardigan or my hoodie and heals are out of the question so converses most likely. Black isn't really a party colour though, is it? I don't want people to think I dressed for a funeral, though the netted arms are really pretty and I guess I can wear it again. Plus, the navy blue one was too short; I'd have to wear black tights with it as people might be able to see the cuts on my thighs and the white one was floor length; no doubt I'll trip over it. The black one it is.

I opened the door to see a bored Sue, staring into space. She smiled though when she saw me, the Renee smile. It's almost like they're scared not to smile at me, maybe I look that far beyond help. I can imagine Renee passing it on to Charlie. 'Make sure you smile at her and try to keep things positive and happy. She might hang herself if you don't.' Well, I doubt Renee would ever go that far. "Which one are you keeping, dear?" Sue asked, walking towards the exit to the changing rooms. I followed obediently like there was a silent 'come'.

"The black one."

"It's lovely, Bella. Do you need anything to go with it? Shoes? Cardigan?" She asked, hanging the clothes we didn't want onto the railing.

"No, I have things at Charlie's." I noticed how she grimaced at that. Perhaps I should still call him dad around everyone else, it keeps people happy and that's what this weekend was supposed to be about, right?

We did stop for lunch at some diner where the food was funky, Sue didn't seem to mind though and I kept my opinions to myself. I suppose I have eaten at worse places before. The car journey home didn't feel as awkward as it did going to Port Angeles, Sue put the radio on and we listened to some classical music; all the while I was praying Claire De Lune didn't come on.

Charlie was in the kitchen with Seth when we got back. They asked questions about our day and to keep Sue happy I told them that it had been nice and we'd seen some really nice dresses. I got the feeling Charlie didn't believe me but he didn't say anything so I let it go.

I was finally allowed to have some 'me' time. I'd abandoned my evening dress on the back of my computer chair and immediately opened my window. I put shuffle on my phone's playlist and listened as 'Come round soon' echoed in my room. I lay down and put a cigarette in between my lips, not lighting it quite yet.

_'I could use another cigarette, but don't worry daddy.. I'm not addicted yet. One too many drinks tonight and miss you, like you were mine.' _

I remember this song. I put it on there a few months after I left here the first time, I was adamant I wouldn't let him leaving me break me. I wanted to be strong and to be able to face the sad songs, the songs that spoke of my life.

_'I may seem naive if I cry as you leave like I'm just one more tortured heart. These cracks that I show as I'm watching you go aren't tearing me apart.' _

I was stupid to think I could get over this. This void, of feeling incomplete and worthless. I don't know how to feel better, I don't know if I want to feel better. I just feel so alone.

_'I could use another cigarette.'_ The song finished.

I lit up.

Sometimes it infuriates me that I'm still this mess, that I let him have so much of me; that I let him shatter my heart into splinters. I was ready to die for him, nearly died for him. I was ready to give up my entire life, those that I loved; just to be with him forever and he abandoned me. He tore out my heart and he crushed it. He just smiled. _'Time heals all wounds for your kind'_. I hope he's hurting out there, I hope someone breaks his heart like he did mine. I know that's petty and it's spiteful but I don't give a shit. I hate him. I hate him and I hate me and I hate being alone.

This is stupid. I bet he doesn't even think of me. I bet he's happy with his new me. His perfect me.

_'I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most, I'm a shell of a girl that I used to know well.' _

Now this song is fitting. I wish I could let him go. Forget about him. But this closure doesn't come, no matter how much I want it. He haunts me. His words haunt me. His face, his smell, his eyes.

And yet, I'd give my life to see him again. Just to say goodbye, just to allow myself a proper goodbye. No abandonment, no devastation; just simply goodbye.

And if he was happy, I'd be happy for him.

And if he was sad, I'd be sad with him.

Just closure.

I need to know for sure.

Because I don't think I love him anymore.

* * *

Hey guys! I'm so happy that I have you guys reading. I hope you like this chapter! It's a little slow but hopefully you won't mind, the next chapters will make up for it! Lemme know what you think!

Just putting this in as a note. 'Tab' means Cigarette - I may also refer to them as cigs or rollies in later chapters! Hope it doesn't confuse any of you too much!


	4. The party

**~{Chapter four}~ [The party] **

I was ready. The dress was on, the black hoodie was on; the converses were on. My eye liner and mascara were on, my hair was done properly. I was ready.

I couldn't shake the horrible sick feeling I had. The last party I'd attended in Forks was my own birthday party. It kept coming back in flashes. The blood, Jasper, the presents, my truck; Carlisle.

I was remembering bits of conversation no matter how loud I played my music. I couldn't drown him out. His words. My words. Our words.

_"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" _

_"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." _

_"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?" _

_"What would you do, if the situation were reverses?" _

_"That's not the same thing."_

He laughed.

_"What if something did happen to you?"_ I had asked. _"Would you want me to go off myself?"_

_"I guess I see your point...a little. But what would I do without you?" _

_"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." _

_"You make that sound so easy." _

Evidentially, it was easier than you thought.

I wonder if he ever thinks back to the words we said. The promises he made me, the times he said he wouldn't go anywhere. I guess not. If I were him, I'd have come back long before now. I wouldn't have waited for him to stop loving me. I wouldn't have waited for him to hurt so much he broke. I wouldn't have left.

"Bells, we're leaving soon. Come down, Sue wants pictures." Charlie called through the door, tapping on it gently as he spoke.

This isn't the same. There won't be any blood thirsty vampires there. I won't have to watch myself. I can bleed all I want. Nobody is going to leave me again.

The picture taking was feeble. There were so many in different ways, at different angles; different people. You'd think Sue was trying to max the camera purposely before we left.

The party was only at the beach, La Push. That brought back a lot of memories too. Jacob, stories; vampires. I remember trying to flirt with him to get information, how cringe worthy. Luckily Jacob had never brought it up again after that time at the beach. It didn't take long to get to the beach, anyhow. Luckily. I was in the middle of Seth and Leah in the car, I've never felt so warm; it was almost suffocating. Maybe they're both ill with fevers and that's why they're not staying at the house. I hope not. Being ill when I returned to Phoenix did not sound fun, Renee would try to baby me no doubt.

The beach party looked beautiful, there was a gazebo and tables and chairs. Wood had been put down underneath them. There was music and cake, people were all dress beautifully; bar Leah who had decided to come in casual clothes. Fairy lights had been strung up and there was a bonfire with people sitting around. I could smell a barbeque somewhere but hadn't seen it yet.

"Bella." Jacob grinned, jogging over to me once I was on the sand. I just want to find a seat and stay there all night, walking on dry sand doesn't sound very safe for me.

"Hey Jacob." I replied.

"Looking good." He winked, I scoffed and despite totally disagreeing with the statement; I found myself blushing anyway. "Aw, cute. I should admire you out loud more often." He teased, I rolled my eyes with a smile and followed Charlie towards the tables and chairs. Jacob walked at my side. "So, what have you been up to?"

"Dress shopping." I replied breezily. Keep it short and sweet. Maybe then he'll leave me alone and I can sit and enjoy company from a distance. Jacob chuckled and unbuttoned his top button on his shirt. His bowtie was missing but I guess it suited him, the boyish smart but casual look.

"No, Bella. I meant in general, you know...for the past 7 years." He smirked. I took to a small table around the outside so I could slip away if I needed to. Jacob sat next to me, still waiting for his answer.

"Oh you know...I was in San Francisco for a while. But I've mostly just been in Phoenix." I muttered, looking around and seeing a few familiar faces. Boys that had grown into men, a few of my dad's old friends. Billy Black was having a very animated talk with Seth. I wonder what's so interesting.

"Is it nice? What did you do there?" Jacob asked, what's with all these questions? I gave him a sceptical glance and he chuckled. "I'm just wondering, Bella. I haven't seen you in forever. Wanted to know what was keeping you away." I guess that's an acceptable answer though he'd never truly know the answer to his last statement.

"It is nice there. Warm." I murmured, continuing to people watch. "I forgot how much I'd missed proper heat." I added, more to myself than him. "But yeah, I um...I got a job. It was just temporary but I wanted to be independent for a while."

"Ah, a woman's need for independence." Jacob smiled to himself.

"Anyway, what about you? What have you been up to?" I asked, hoping this would move the entire conversation away from me now, there's nothing I hate more than having to talk about myself. It's never really truthful.

"Oh you know, this and that. Fixing cars, oh I got some sweet motor cycles in a few weeks ago. Just finished them this morning. We could take 'em out for a spin, if you're interested." Jacob grinned enthusiastically. Motor cycles. I've never been much of a fan but I guess if I was staying around long enough it couldn't hurt.

"Maybe tomorrow evening, or the morning after. I have to drive down to Port Angeles around 4." I suggested, he looked extremely excited to see that I'd agreed. It's kind of nice having someone want to spend time with me. People mostly get shifty when I'm around now, I can always tell they'd rather they or I were somewhere else.

"Either or."

"We'll see what happens then. I um, remember you saying you were working on a car before I left." I trudged on, hopefully he'll get carried away and there'll be no time to talk about me or time for him to ask.

"The Rabbit. Oh yeah, I finished that about a month after you left. I've moved onto different cars now, I sell them too. It's a pretty cool business, I'm thinking of starting up a proper garage." Jacob replied, at least things have been going well for him.

"That's great, Jacob." I told him, genuinely. He's clearly been working hard, hopefully his life amounts to more than mine. Not that that's difficult.

"Yeah, if you come back and visit; I'm sure we could work some deals out." He winked, I smiled. He's still the same Jacob, no matter how different he looks now. I wish I could still be Bella. The Bella I was when I moved here.

"I'm sure." I muttered, not agreeing or disagreeing though I think we both knew I wouldn't be coming back.

"Can I get you a drink or anything?" Jacob asked after an awkward pause. He stood and hovered. I could see Charlie watching me from next to Sue, Billy was with him now and I could tell one of them was going to come over and say something. Whatever it was, I didn't need to hear it and I doubt it's any conversation worth having.

"Um, yeah. I'll come with you." I said hastily standing up, he held his arm out for me to link it but I awkwardly shuffled away and let him catch up to my side. Physical contact is not my thing.

"We'll have to walk over to Emily's. They haven't brought the coolers out yet, I can go alone if you like." Jacob suggested, maybe he wanted rid of me too. Well tough, he'll just have to put up with it for now; I'm not in the mood to talk to many other people.

"It's fine. I don't mind." I murmured, we didn't talk much on the way to the house. He mentioned some more car models and a few ideas for what his garage may be called. I went to the bathroom once we were inside Emily's house. It was nice and home like though it had a peculiar smell, almost like wet dog. I guess they've got a pet somewhere. I washed my hands with cold water and dabbed them around the back of my neck, it's humid tonight. I suppose it's better than rain, people in Forks must love this kind of warmth.

I think it's horrible and sticky.

_"Why did you come here then?" _

_"It's...complicated." _

What's wrong with me? I can't even get through an evening without Edward's voice echoing around me. Maybe I'm sick or something. Maybe I'm dying and instead of my life flashing before my eyes, it's all coming back slowly so I can watch it again miserably before I go.

That would be my luck. I'd rather, how did I say it then? Oh right, 'off myself' quickly than have to die slowly, reliving the misery. Isn't that basically just what I'm doing now though? Living through misery?

Maybe I'll be okay.

Maybe it will get better soon. I might wake up one morning and be completely over Edward and what he did. I might never hear his voice in my head again, or think about him on a daily basis. I might be able to come back and visit Charlie without being effected in the slightest. I might even meet someone and actually fall in love, for real this time and we might have children and get married and live our lives...and die together.

Die of old age.

I know that's inevitable, I know it now. There's no way out of death. If I don't die young, I'll die old and though that's what so many people want; to live. I couldn't help but tear up at it. It's not fair.

None of it is.

_"That doesn't seem fair." _

_"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair." _

_"I believe I have heard that somewhere before." _

I turned the tap off and vacated the bathroom and headed downstairs. I wonder how long I've been in there, I hope it wasn't long. Not that I care about what people think of me but I don't want to irritate anyone tonight and it feels almost wrong to upset Jacob. He's like sunshine. Desperately needed sunshine. Though we don't talk much and I'm not that interested, I do feel more at ease around Jacob than anyone else. He doesn't try to small talk or bring up things he knows I don't want to talk about. It's almost like there is a silent understanding though I doubt anyone would ever really understand this. Jacob was sitting on the sofa looking extremely tense, his shoulders square and his stare firm as he stared towards the kitchen; his hands were so clenched I thought the bottles of beer might break.

"Jacob, you alright?" I asked, feeling concerned. I stepped towards him, his eyes turned to me and I could physically see him relax a little bit. I smiled gently at him and he smiled back though something was obviously bothering him.

"Bella." Said a beautifully light voice. A beautifully familiar voice. Is that? No. It can't be. My head snapped sideways and I gaped. Alice. Like, actual Alice. Real life Alice Cullen. Though I could be hallucinating, it's never happened before but if I'm sick; I could be moving into a new stage. But she looks so real, she sounds so real. She just smiled. Stood there, smiling. Smiling that Alice smile. God, I've missed that smile. What do I do? Do I make sure she's real first? No, that would mean physical contact. Hugging. No. Do I ask? But Jacob is here, I'll look deranged even if she is actually here and more so if she isn't. How is she here? Are they all here? Is he here? Oh God, I'm going to vomit.

* * *

Yay, Alice! Hope you're all enjoying this. Lemme know what you think.


	5. Cullen's

**~{Chapter five}~ [Cullen's] **

"Bella?"

"Bella, are you alright?" Jacob's voice asked. I stared blankly at a now closer and worried looking Alice. She didn't touch me, thankfully, though Jacob did, he put an arm on my shoulder and I looked up at him. At least it wasn't Alice, her cold skin that was exactly like Edwards. I could almost feel the last time he touched my face in the forest before he disappeared.

"Yeah...sorry, I just...blanked for a second. Um. Yeah."

"More like a few minutes." Jacob smirked. "Here." He said casually, handing me a beer. I took it from him and took a drink, it's coolness felt good in my hands that were now sweating.

"Do you think that's wise? She could be ill...or on something." Alice frowned. I wish I was on something right now. For a moment, I thought she meant medication but by Jacob's response; I realised she meant 'actually on something'. Had she seen? Has she been watching me?

"Bella's not ill and she doesn't take drugs." Jacob replied matter-of-factly. "Isn't that right, Bella?" Jacob asked, oh crap; I have to respond. Alice will know if I lie but hopefully she won't say anything in front of Jacob.

"Course." I murmured, shrugging. Trying to act normal.

"Bella. Are you ill?" Jacob asked, looking shocked. What? Was I really that unconvincing? I need to work on this. I thought I'd been doing so well with my facades. Maybe Jacob just more perceptive than I thought.

"No, I'm not ill...at least I don't think I am, anyway." I muttered, taking a step back from him. He removed his hand and folded his arms. Wearing a curious and sceptically stern frown.

"Drugs? Bella. Really? I thought you were better than that." Alice said, sadly. It was painful to see how disappointed she looked with me right now. To hear how disappointed she sounded with me right now. But I shouldn't have to feel bad. This is my life. I'm an adult and she left me. She's obviously been watching me to know I could have been on something, so what should it matter? She didn't care enough to come back and tell me when I first started. They left me. I can do whatever the hell I want.

"Obviously not." I muttered sourly. I turned and walked towards the back door, seizing the chance to run away. At least I'm not screaming, that would look deranged. Alice and Jacob followed after me, muttering something to each other. When did they become so chummy? It irritated me. Jacob never use to like the Cullen's, maybe he's their new best friend. Wait. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't Charlie tell me? Those assholes. Everyone clearly knows what happened between Edward and I. Nothing ever gets passed the small town folk, except the mythical creature secrets. Why wouldn't they tell me? Charlie can clearly see how badly I'm doing at the moment, didn't he think I deserve a little heads up? This is ridiculous. I need to leave. Just get away from them, right now. All of them.

"Hey, Bells." Charlie said, sauntering towards me with Carlisle walking next to him. How could he? How can he be so relaxed? And surely he's noticed the non-aging aspect of the Cullen's considering. Does he know? Does Jacob? What the hell is going on?

I didn't stop to greet Carlisle, or stop to talk to Charlie. I swerved around them, keeping my eyes on the ground as I went. "Bella." Called Alice, running to catch up with me. "I didn't mean for you to take that so personally. I just meant-"

"I don't care what you meant." I told her bluntly, my voice risen slightly. That seemed to stop her speech or whatever she was about to say. She stopped walking but I continued.

"You're not happy to see us, are you?" She asked, I'd never heard Alice sound so sad and though I desperately wanted to turn around and hug her and tell her I'd missed her more than anything. I couldn't bring myself to stomach it. I had missed them. All of them. But they left me. They left me here and it was unforgivable, my life has become a mess and it's their fault. They took me in and made me feel safe and normal and gave me the family that I always wanted and then they took it away from me. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.

"Go figure." I replied irritably, walking back to the beach; knowing she'd definitely heard me.

Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie's eyes watched me as I went back along the beach. I didn't look over at them though and I hoped to God Jasper didn't mess with my emotions. I was not in any mood to be manipulated by them.

I guess I'll have to walk home but that's fine with me. As long as they stay here. Stay away from me. Luckily I didn't see Edward, I'm not sure I could have coped. I don't know what I would have done. Maybe what I'm doing now. Running away from them. Running away like they ran from me. But then surely, that would make me as bad as them? Should I stay? No. It may be childish and cowardly but I don't think I can stomach much more tonight. I don't want to sit around and listen to speeches and pretend I'm okay with whatever the hell is going on. I'm not. I don't want to be around them.

"Hey, Bella. You got a light?" Leah asked, shouting over from where she was standing with Seth and one of their friends; an olive skin boy with curly brown hair. It looked like Quil. I guess everyone's changing these days. I changed direction slightly and instead of walking up to the car park and following the roads home, I walked down to the shore and removed my lighter from my pocket. I handed it over.

"Hey, Bella. Remember me?" Quil asked, a Jacob grin on his face. Would Jacob stop talking to me? Now that he knows I've done drugs? Does he assume the worst of me already? I don't know. Our motor cycling morning didn't sound so likely anymore though and that made me feel worse.

"Yeah, Quil right?" I asked lightly, he nodded. Leah tossed my lighter over my shoulder and I turned to see one of the other boys catch it.

"Just lighting the barbeque." He told me with a smirk and walked off. I turned back to Seth, Leah and Quil.

"I'm gunna head home." I told them, not that I had to. They could probably tell considering I was walking away from the party.

"Leaving so soon, Bella? We haven't had cake yet." Seth said, sounding disappointed though I was pretty sure he was disappointed they hadn't had cake yet and not that I was leaving.

"I feel pretty sick actually. Might have something so...figured I'd sleep it off. Don't wanna be ill tomorrow." I told him, it was all true... though that obviously wasn't why I was leaving.

"Oh, okay." He frowned.

"I can drive you home if you like." Leah offered. I didn't think she'd be one for helping others out. In fact, Leah comes across as a little moody and reclusive. I know what's eating me, I wonder what's going on with her. Her business is her own though, I doubt she'd care about my problems.

"Um, yeah. Thanks." I muttered, she nodded once.

"I'll go get your lighter and the car keys. Meet you up there." She replied, brushing past me immediately. I didn't need to be told twice. I'm sure Charlie will understand, not that I cared anymore. If he cared about my feelings, he would have told me and not let me find out the way I did. I wouldn't have come.

God, I can't believe they're actually here...in Forks...with me. I've dreaded a day like this for years and it's here, I'm living it and...just...how do I handle this? How did they think I would handle this? Alice obviously thought I'd be happy to see them, did they think that too? And since when could they come to La Push? I thought it was the only place they didn't come. Everything is just so messed up.

I paced next to the car, biting my fingernails and trying to breathe calmly. They can still hear me. I have to act normally. I know I'm weird and I'm broken and a mess but they didn't have to see that. I don't want to give any one of them the satisfaction of knowing they have so much influence over me. I have to get out of here.

"Bella."

I stopped abruptly and turned around. Carlisle was standing a few feet away from me, his concerned doctor's face on. He looked exactly the same. It's so weird. I knew they wouldn't change, they'd be ageless but look at him. Perfectly kept like a porcelain doll. And then there's me, an aging mess. Who would ever want to be human?

"Bella, I understand you're angry with us. It's completely acceptable but I want you to know that we're truly sorry." He said slowly, watching me carefully. I put my hands down by my side and regarded him silently. They're sorry? So they fucking should be! They have no idea how hard this has been for me! He can't imagine how hurt I've been, how hurt I still am. How dare they just show up again and mess with my feelings all over again? How am I supposed to deal with this? "Of course, we understand if you'd like us to stay away. I know we're put you in a difficult position." Oh, yeah. Brilliant! Bloody perfect. Just show up and leave again, leave me alone again. Just what I wanted! I can't believe him, I can't believe them.

Anger was rising and before I could stop myself, the words came out...full of hatred and anger and spite.

"Fuck you and fuck your apology."

"Bella-" He said, looking and sound genuinely shocked.

"No. I don't want to hear that it was for my own good, or you had your reasons or you didn't want to. I don't want to hear any of it because it's complete shit. You left me here. All of you." Oh God, stop talking. They can't know this. They can't know how weak you are, how weak you feel. It's not meant to be this way. These are words meant for Edward, I shouldn't be taking my anger out on Carlisle.

"I know." He replied, I'd never seen Carlisle look so defeated...but, but it serves him right. It serves them all right.

"Good... Now go away." I muttered sadly, looking away from his heart-wrenching sad eyes.

"If that's what you want." He murmured, his tone sobering.

"Bella, don't do this." Alice pleaded, appearing next to him. Why aren't they acting human? There are people around! This is ridiculous. What if someone sees? What if Charlie sees?

"Alice, don't." Carlisle warned though his voice didn't have any heat in it. He obviously could tell it was a lost cause.

"You have to know we didn't want to. I mean, we really didn't want to. We were so angry with him, Bella. Leaving you was hard on all of us, you have to see that. We love you, Bella." She sounded so desperate for me to believe her but if anything, it irritated me more. If they didn't want to leave then they shouldn't have! It's that simple. It was hard on them? It was hard on me yet nobody seemed to stop and think about that. No, they just ran off as fast as they could! It destroyed me!

"Bella, let's go." Leah said, climbing into the other side of the car. How long has she been standing there? That is kind of embarrassing. I felt my cheeks warm, I hope to God she doesn't ever bring this up again.

"Bella, please." Alice sighed softly. I can't. I can't forgive them. I can't forgive him. Not now.

"Goodbye, Alice."

I climbed into the car as Leah started the engine and buckled my seatbelt. I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest, it ached. My stomach was clenching and unclenching uneasily. I felt sweaty and sick and nauseous. I can't believe I said that. I can't believe I said goodbye. I didn't want to. I didn't want it to be this way. But I didn't want them to leave either, I didn't want to waste 7 years of my life; trapped in a void created by them. They left me and now I'm leaving them. At least I had the decency to say goodbye.

Leah dropped me off at Charlie's. She didn't come in and we didn't speak. I went inside and up to the bathroom, dropping down to my knees and projective vomiting into the toilet. I closed my eyes as the tears came, they were burning from the salt mixed with make-up but I couldn't care enough to wipe it off. This has become the second worst day of my life.

_"Leaving you was hard on all of us, you have to see that." _

Why should I believe that? After all, I'm just a human. There are billions of us. The Cullen's could have anyone they wanted, why should it be hard for them? They meet different people all of the time in new countries, new jobs; new schools. They've probably seen hundreds of me's in the time they've been away. So why should I believe that it was hard for them to leave me here? Why did they come back?

If they loved me, they wouldn't have gone. They should have known. She should have foreseen how badly this would hurt me. 7 years of cutting and highs and messing my life up and she didn't show up once. All those decisions she'd see, and she didn't help me because staying away was much more important. They didn't love me. None of them did.

I was completely unlovable. I'd always known it.

I wiped my face with my hand and flushed the toilet. I used the sleeve of my hoodie to dry my eyes as I reached over to the black shaver sitting casually on the sink.

I went to my room, I closed the door; I shrugged off my hoodie and before I knew, I was hacking away at my arms. Blood rising over faded scars and pooling down onto my bare legs.

I hated me. I hated myself. I hated my face, my skin, my hair and me. I hated this freak that I've become. This pathetic, worthless girl living in denial. I wasn't over him. I could never be over him. I was waiting. Stalling my life for him to come back to me. For him to come back and save me from myself.

Because it would be so easy to be reckless and stupid. It would be so easy to run the blade across my wrists. It would be so easy to give up. To give him what he wanted, freedom from me. He deserved it. He deserved my death to be his fault. This life he left me to, it's not living. I'm dying, every second of the day though I guess I've felt dead for quite some time now. It would be so easy.

* * *

Hey guys! I hope this chapter wasn't too bad and I hope y'all don't hate my new Bella too much. Lemme know what you think!


	6. The Wedding

**~{Chapter six}~ [The wedding]**

I shot out of bed the following morning, my alarm read 10:52 which meant I had 8 minutes to get ready and be downstairs to leave for the service. Fuck. I didn't bother with a shower. I washed under my arms and sprayed, I washed my hands and face and over my over where dry blood had layered it. It stung when I put soap on but I needed it clean. It's a good thing our bridesmaid dresses have matching cardigans otherwise I'd be very odd turning up with my hoodie on over my dress though I doubt anyone would say anything.

Charlie and Sue had come home late last night, they didn't check on me though Charlie was going to before Sue reminded him I was a woman and entitled to my own space. They ended up talking about what happened, I tried to hear the bits about the Cullen's but it was almost like they purposely started listening in case I could hear.

I turned the hair strengtheners on in the bathroom and rushed to get my dress on. It was beautiful. It was a strapless with a sweat heart bust, white at the top and blue from the waist down. The white had diamantes on it and hugged my chest nicely, the blue was a comfortable fabric that went down to the floor. I zipped it up at the side and slid my arms into the matching blue long sleeved cardigan.

Back in the bathroom, I quickly ran that strengtheners through my hair and pulled it in front of my shoulders. I turned them off and applied my mascara and thin eyeliner. 2 minutes to spare, thank God. I know I'm not happy with Charlie but I wouldn't want to be late or cause anyone else to be late, not today of all days. I just need to forget yesterday ever happened, right now it was Charlie and Sue's time.

I went downstairs to find Leah sitting on the sofa, wearing the same dress and cardigan as me. She looks really pretty, her hair was curled and she actually wore make-up. I know I haven't known her long but I assumed she was a very strict tomboy.

"Charlie's at the church, my mom's just finishing off getting ready upstairs." She sighed, sitting back on the sofa and folding her arms. I relaxed a little and took to the sofa next to her, relieved that I hadn't caused any hiccup in today's plans. At least I won't have to have an awkward exchange with Charlie this morning, no doubt he'd have mentioned something. "There's food in the kitchen if you're hungry." Leah added after a few minutes of what I thought was a rather comfortable silence, I guess she didn't share my comfort.

"I'm not hungry." I murmured, I don't eat in the mornings. I always wake up feeling sick after nightmares of Edward and abandonment that eating was never an option. I guess I should be thankful for my fatigue when I finally fell asleep; I didn't dream. She didn't respond.

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday." Leah eventually said, I had realised she'd been waiting to say something. She's a lot better at being composed than I am, perhaps I should ask for some lessons. Yesterday. She wanted to know something, or maybe she knew something.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked wearily, looking over at her and watching as she rolled her eyes and sat up. She put her arms down my her side and turned to face me.

"Let's cut the crap, Bella. I know the Cullen's are bloodsuckers." She told me coldly. "I've known for a long time now, a lot of us have." They do? Is this a trick? What if she doesn't and just suspects? I don't want to be the one to confirm it, it's not my secret. Then again, she does want to cut the crap. She sounds so sure of herself, I doubt someone like Leah bothers to take that much interest in anyone else. Plus, it'd make sense why the Cullen's were at the beach yesterday, sort of.

"I thought the Cullen's couldn't go to La Push." I prompted, not confirming or disagreeing with her statement.

"It's a recent thing, a deal I think is ludicrous. They 'mended' the treaty." She sneered, "Personally I think it's stupid. They're leeches, nothing but leeches. Nobody else sees them like that though, not anymore. Even Billy is softening, I can see it in the exchanges."

"How did they mend the treaty?" I asked curiously.

"A few months after you left, two leeches took one of our own. Jared. I doubt you remember him well." She murmured, almost sadly. "They were fast, cunning...clearly they had thought of every move, every route...it was impossible for them to keep up. To catch them. Every time they were within reach, something would happen or their route would change. They danced along the treaty line." She scowled. "Eventually we had enough, the treaty was mended temporarily so that we could go onto Leech land and they could come onto ours. We took them out pretty easily after that."

"How could you mend the treaty with the Cullen's? They left Forks." I frowned, edging closer.

"Most of them did. You little boyfriend took off," I winced at that. "Blondie and her lap dog left shortly afterwards. The doc and his wife stayed around for a few months with midget and fangs." She sighed heavily. I wanted to defend Jasper and protest at the nickname but that wasn't important. They stayed? Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Alice were still in Forks when I left. They stayed in Forks for months. Why?

"I don't understand." I frowned, rubbing my temples.

"Look, I'll explain it all later after the reception. There are things you need to know, Bella." Leah stressed.

"Why can't you tell me now? Why did they stay in Forks?" I asked frantically, not wanting the conversation to end right now.

"Oh great, I'm glad you're both ready." Sue smiled, coming down the stairs. Leah and I stood up immediately, evidentially Leah knew this conversation was over till later.

"Sue...you look incredible." I breathed, smiling genuinely. She was wearing a pearl white satin dress that had Grecian styled straps that sat on her shoulders. It felt elegant to the floor and had a dark beige ribbon around the middle that tied to the left in a bow. She had curled her hair also and pinned it back with a peal white hair pin.

"Thank you, Bella. You both look visionary, I love those dresses." Sue smiled brightly. I wasn't sure what else to say after that. We took a lot of pictures, Sue took hell of a lot of ones with Leah and I together. I figured it was because this would be the first documented time Leah's ever worn a dress.

The car ride was quiet, Seth and Sue had a few small conversations about people and family members I didn't know about. All I could think about was what Leah had said. She said they knew, a lot of them did...about the Cullen's. Why would the Cullen's tell Billy? Why would the Cullen's tell any of them? It's clear Leah doesn't like them what with her nicknames for them and the use of the term 'leeches'. But the treaty was mended, why would they change the treaty? It was put there by their ancestors. It's so confusing, I don't understand any of it.

The service was held at the town church, there was only around 20 people that came. I managed to make it down the aisle without tripping which was a very big achievement, though I did blush when I realised everyone was watching me as I stood next to Leah. What was so interesting about me? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, they're probably all looking at Leah considering she looks so utterly beautiful.

Charlie was so awkward saying his vows but luckily I wasn't the only one smirking and sniggering at his blushes and awkward attempts at speaking his feelings. Sue took it all very emotionally and burst into tears half way through her own, I noticed it had a few other people in the room crying. It was all very sniffles and tissues by the end, I was thankful when we got to go outside. I desperately needed air. I kept thinking to myself how I'd never get to do this, have my own wedding. Wear a beautiful dress and marry the person I love. He doesn't love me back after all. Why should he?

I wasn't ready for the amount of pictures taken afterwards. Everyone wanted pictures of me with Sue and Leah, with Leah and Seth, with just Charlie with everyone together and most of all, singly. My jaw hurt from all the fake smiling, so much that I'm sure the last few pictures were of me looking very pained. I walked to the reception near the back of the group, it was at the town hall. I knew there was going to be a lot of people there, the entire town had been waiting for today and so they should have. I've never seen Charlie look so happy.

I hovered outside the town hall for a few minutes, smoking half a tab and stubbing it. I then braced myself for the rest of the day. Yeah right, like I could brace myself for so much hugging.

It was around 5 when I ducked outside, hiding from Jacob. He was very keen at dancing with me and though I didn't love that he was still acting like himself, it still made me uncomfortable. I had seen Leah leave and figured now was as good as a time as any to ask her to continue our conversation from earlier. She seemed to agree seeing as she started walking as soon as I got outside. I caught up with her and we walked in silent for a few long minutes. I had no idea what she was waiting for but I daren't speak first, plus; she kept shooting me glares. I was a little frightened to speak up.

We could see the beach from where we were when she finally decided to talk to me. "Bella, I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for this so I need to know that you'll do what I ask of you when I've finished."

"Tell me what you want me to do first." I fronted.

"No. You don't know everything, you can't make the decision yet. This is the compromise. I will tell you anything and everything that's been kept from you. Promise me you'll comply with my demand later." She scowled.

"I don't want to agree to anything I can't promise." I told her, irritably. She stopped and turned to look at me, I could almost see the anger rising in her eyes as she gave me the meanest scowl she could.

"Do you want to know or not, Bella? Don't worry, it's got nothing to do with the leeches." She spat, someone has a very serious grudge. I wonder what they ever did to her. What do I do? I want to know whatever she has to tell me, it's obviously important but there has to be a pretty strong motive behind telling me. Whatever she wants is important. Important enough to get into a lot of trouble over.

"Okay."

She relaxed. "Good. So, do you remember anything about the Quileute stories that Jake used to talk about?" She asked, how could I forget them? Without those stories, I'd never have figured out about Edward or the Cullen's. I nodded. "Well, they're true Bella. All of them." I already know that, why is she telling me this?

"I know."

"You know?" She asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, the Cullen's made a treaty with your ancestors to say off their grounds and in return, their secret wouldn't be revealed to the humans."

"Yes, yes...very good memory, Bella. Do you understand what I'm saying though?" Did I? I'm not positive I did, I looked at her unsurely. She heaved a sigh irritably. "The stories are true, not just the Cullen's are real. They made a treaty with..." Oh.

"Werewolves."

"Not precisely but shape shifters that phase into wolves." She muttered as we continued walking towards the beach. "The majority of the people at the beach yesterday besides a few humans and the leeches are shape shifters. We're a pack." Most? Does Charlie know? What about Sue? I feel so stupid. I bet they all knew yesterday, everyone at that party; all listening in and judging me! "We protect the people of Forks from vampires, the Cullen's are the exception obviously though I think it's ridiculous allowing them to be around mortals; they're unpredictable and dangerous."

"You said there were things I needed to know." I stated, ignoring her dig at the Cullen's.

"Nobody was going to tell you, Bella but I know if I was you, I'd want to know." Leah grimaced. I suddenly felt my stomach clench, please don't say it. Oh God, don't. I know, I know exactly what they weren't going to tell me. "Bella...Edward-"

"Don't." I pleaded, vile rising to the back of my throat.

"Moved on. Shortly after he left." She finished anyway, I closed my eyes and tried to breathe steadily. "I'm sorry, Bella." I can't believe it, I've been waiting for him; moping, longing, yearning for him and he moved on short after I left?! That asshole! I am never going to forgive him, I hope he feels damned to hell for eternity for being such a malicious bastard. "There's more but I want my condition now, the promise." I didn't asked what it was, I simply opened my eyes and stared at her. "I need you to stay away from Jake."

What?

* * *

I know I haven't posted in ages! I'm just really snowed under with college and prep from university! I'll do my best, I'm glad you's are still reading and waiting though. Let me know what you think? And I'm having a hard time with my ideas so if you have anything you'd like to happen, let me know! :) - CFL


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